I Am Tiramisu

A prayer I found for Father's Day...

Blessed are You, God and Father of us all, for the gift of our father.
Today we honor and thank him for the gift he is in our lives.
His love for us is a reflection of Your divine love.
Bless him this day with Your strength and Your power that he may continue to be a sign of Your abiding love.

May we, who have the honor of bearing his family name, assist him with our obedience, respect and deep affection.
Bless him on this special day
with happiness, health, peace and good fortune
so that he who shared of his very life
may live together with You, his God and heavenly Father, for ever and ever.

Amen.

My father...all of 78. Perfection. I dare use the word to describe my father because...he is. Kind, smart, strong, loving, handsome. Hehehe. The 7th of 8 children. I have not seen my father for more than a month now. One month of being apart is actually the shortest the past 25 years. After coming to this town for college, I never went home. For some reason I believe my father always knew I would never go back. That was what amazed me. For as long as I can remember he never wanted me to be out of his sight. Being his only child I understood that. He always kept me close. In high school he almost let me study far from Ormoc but called me the last minute right before I was to take the entrance exam that it still best that I go back to attend high school in Ormoc. hahahaha! I just laugh about it now. But I talk to him almost everyday. We text more than once each day. hehehe bless modern technology. I know it would be papa coz he always texts at 10am, right before he takes his nap. And when he does fail to text at 10am I would start to wonder but resist calling his phone. Funny reason that I dont want him to feel it has become his obligation to text me at 10am. Let it be his fun. hehehe. The prayer says it pefectly for me. I feel much honor to be his daughter. I did feel like running home though when I was in high school, he was super strict. No unnecessary parties or going out with friends. He would rather invite my friends to our house. The boys would be selected to sons of family friends. ARg!!! The torture! HAHAHAHAHAHA! (But I thank him for that when I got older). I stayed out of trouble in my adolescent years. Even in my adolescence he has taught me to put my heart into anything I choose to embark on. Passion in your work would be the only way to accomplish it successfully and beautifully. I practice that every day.
Remember when the world got all so modern and westernized? People would say its a free life/country, I dont care what others would say! I will do what I want!...
My papa, being the open-minded smart guy that he is, acknowledges such freedom. But he would always say, "Ati, you have to care what your neighbors say about you. It always mean you have to mind what you do and not give them any reason to say some bad things about you." He kept saying that. Surprisingly, my adolescent mind accepted it wholeheartedly and to some extent I am mindful of that statement until today. Superficial was the way papa might have said it but I abide by it everyday. My religion teacher in elementary once quoated a line, "Your freedom ends where mine begins..." Elementary...that was a hundred years ago! hahaha! But I have kept those lessons in my heart since. I have taught that to my young daughters. Just as my papa have taught me. It is a beautiful 'rule'. So simple. Hmmm...I wonder what my friends think whenever I remind them that..? They are probably thinking I am just like my papa.
But in college he set me free. That amazed me. I realized he knew it was time for him to let his only child be her own person and learn life on my own now. He has done his part. Bless my father.
My father, frail that he is right now is still my pillar of strength. He may be hard in hearing and sometimes stutters when he speaks but his mind is still as quick. Yep, very quick to see whether I have gained weight from my last visit or not. HAHAHAHAHA!
Hearing the news of papa being stricken of Parkinson's Disease was my Hiroshima. Although modern medicine has let him keep his strength and wits for the past 18 years. Each year seems to take ounces of strength from his body. It is not that easy for my mother. I could sense that at times although she does not tell me. I bring the kids to visit in Ormoc maybe once or twice a year, especially during birthdays. He and I would sit together and read read read and read all the magazines around us. That is our connection. I have willed myself to learn his speech so to me he still speaks clearly. There was no other way to help myself but 'help him to help me (understand)'. It is wonderful to see him laugh with the kids. But the strength he had been so proud of in his younger years is no longer there. It frustrates me. He must be too. Here I am saying I am frustrated. I can just imagine how difficult it must be for him. The world difficult is an understatement Im sure. An active, strong and out going man suddenly diagnosed with such a delibatating ailment. I dared to question the Boss above why. I also know some things are just the way they are and He does not owe me any explanation. It just is. It took about 2 hours of long distance conversation with Nang Cynch to stop my tears 3 years ago while papa laid in bed close to death after falling over and cracking his spine. Nopes, stubborn papa did not go for an MRI. Hmm, unfortunately I believe I have inherited that attitude too. uh-uh. Hahaha. ...that fateful day was MY death sentence, I realized. Was I grieving because I was going to lose him or because he was in pain? ...so there was the truth facing me. How could someone who is so strong and active be so weak and frail whose eyesight I know is starting to fail. HOw could my father be dying? I have become quiet during the 3rd hour of my conversation with Nang Cynch. Stubborn me have realized. We are on borrowed time afterall. Somehow that dreaded point will be reached by all...and the old ones are nearer. I believe that my father has already accepted his fate. Living each day to the fullest. He is willing himself not to give up just yet. Talking to my daughters on the phone everyday since they were born. This morning they shouted their 'Happy Father's Day' greetings to their grandpa over the phone. The girls were laughing taking their turns to talk to grandpa. I guess somehow I have accepted his fate. Not that easy though. Each day I thank the Boss for the chance He has given my father. Chance for me. To still hear my papa. I know..."Thy will be done". Because I know too that big Boss will never give me a challenge that I can not handle.
Easier said than done. Hehehe. Last night I had the worst dream. That he was gone. I cried till I lost my voice. It was just a dream. A bitter reality ahead. Nobody is ever prepared for loss I know. But right now papa is still with us. No sense dwelling on sad thoughts. hehehe. Embrace the moments. He raised me well. Accepted my husband wholeheartedly since day one. Who was that who once told me..."they are called back to their Creator because they have fullfilled what they were sent here for. Celebrate...Because they are already worthy to face the Lord." That is what's giving me strength. Helping me to accept. I almost always resist to accept reality. I always say it's too cruel to take my father away from me. How could someone be perfect be given such a sickness. May lightning strike me now. hehehe. It's just physical sickness, deep inside, papa is still as strong as ever. Like I said, no sense thinking about sadness. Each day that he calls we always have happy stuff to talk about. He would talk endlessly about articles he read in a new magazine and shows he has seen on tv. We would laugh endessly. Im even glad The Price is Right show is still on. That had always been his favorite. Hehehe. Bless my papa's heart. For someone so frail, he is still giving me the strength. I take joy, give thanks and embrace each day that he is with us. Never taking any minute and hour for granted. Celebrating each day of my life today of the perfection that is my father.
Thy will be done.
It's a happy father's day.