I Am Tiramisu

All too sudden.
There were warning signs of course, those which we often take for granted.

Weren't I just swooning over my new mini speaker?
I was better that day. Thursday. But the day before I had a fever which shoot up to the 40s. Terrible chills. After round the clock paracetamol, everything was ok by Thursday. Although I was unusually too tired to even get up and walk around. I was just "resting" most of the day.
You know how fond I am of taking a photo of my view past my feet.
This was my view by Friday afternoon:


Clinical. Quiet. Scary.

And instead of a cold drink on my hand, this was my cocktail:


Thursday 11pm. The kids have finally gone to sleep. I was plastered on my side of the bed, really really feeling tired. Minutes later I felt weird coldness creep up from my toes to the ends of my fingers. Joel got up and saw my legs trashing about on the bed and me moaning incoherently. My arms were banging on the bed like they were possessed. I was just need to go potty I reasoned. Unknown to me, he was already changing into some pants and had awaken one of the help. I got up and walked to the potty but collapsed on Joel's arms. He put me on the floor and called for the help to hurry. I gained a bit of consciousness able to get up and reach the potty, did my thing and tried to go back to the bed. But I couldn't get up. My knees were shaking and were refusing to obey me. I crawled, even when my left arm have already involuntarily clipped to my side. Leaving me to fall hard on my right. Not a second later, Joel carried me down and rushed me to the emergency room. I didnt know what was going on. I just heard them mumble stuff.
My blood pressure has gone to dangerous low of 60/40. Almost there. My heart rate has gone done. My skin ash white and the color blue has started appearing under my eyes. My nails were just white. I was in and out of things. Didnt even feel anything when they inserted the I.V. and stuff. I kept seeing Joel's face staring at me. I knew I was going. I felt it. But I knew I had to hold on. My eyes closed but this time I forced them open just to see Joel. I thought of my daughters. I needed to go back to my family. I screamed inside my head for God's help. HE gave me help. I gave out one big vomit and became lethargic. Answering all the doctor's questions with an 'umm' or 'huh'. The next thing I knew I was at the Intensive Care Unit. They suspected pneumonia. Almost every test was done on me. Needles here and there. I was tired. They had cut off the shirt I came in. But I was alive.


By 5am, I was talking and smiling with Joel. I was going to be alright. He had to go home to take the kids to school. The past 6 days must have been heavy for him. Taking care of the children, taking care of me. The skyrocketing hospital bill. CT Scan was the scariest. It was horrifying how the dye went into my veins and warming me up all over. The 2D Echo totally freaked me out. I never want to see the echos of my heart again. It's disturbing. Sugar prick tests make me jump. BP monitors...a little brush with cardiac arrest made me realize how fragile life is, no matter how old you are. No matter what you were doing the day before, it could come. It was like I desperately tried to pull my spirit back into my body. No out-of-body experiences please, thank you very much.

My dearest of dearest friends visited me. I love you all I hope you know that. Thank you all for your prayers. I know I have been given a second chance on life. Thank you for all your love.

Five days of not seeing my children. We communicated thru phone videos. They call me often in my room. Each time I hear their voices I cried. I just wanted to be with them already. Their cute chubby feet. Alyssa's toothy grin. Ava's piercing looks.
At times we'd write letters to one another. Ava would draw small hearts in the middle of a paper. Alyssa would write their hellos and names.

Thank you Pamie and Nida for your great concern about the kids.
Thanks Ira for the wonderful surprise.
Thank you Mike and Ann, I want you to know you uplifted me in spirit, mind and heart.
Thank you Chinette and Aion, we sure had some great laughs.
Thank you Fred and Angel, you guys are hilarious. Where are my pics? hehehe. Photoshop them ok? hehehe
Thank you Faye!!! I always love seeing and talking to you.
Thank you Oz and Christine, I had been thinking about you guys too.
Thank you Nida and Pidot for the Hawaiin pizza. I truly needed that.
I apologize to those who wanted to go but werent allowed in already. Seeing friends made me really excited, they said I had to rest more. hehehe
I would like to give my heartfelt thanks to the staff in the Intensive Care Unit who took very good care of me. Wonderful, confident and competent.
To the lady doctor who didnt want to take any risk.
To the other lady doctor whose smile I like watching and who made me laugh.
Thank you Dr. Jun!!! I always know you're the best!
Thank you Dr. Sherwin Ygnacio!!!

Thank you my dear friends. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. Your messages.
Thank you Joel for everything, everything, everything.
Thank you for trusting your instincts. Thank you for saving my life. Thank you for being you.

Thank YOU Boss.
Thank YOU for the strength, grace and blessing.
Thank YOU.