I Am Tiramisu

Tonight would be the last night of vigil for a beloved uncle who passed away last Tuesday. A sudden passing of a caring and loving man I have known for more than 15 years. Joel's uncle will be laid to his final resting place tomorrow morning. My parents-in-law flew in from Iloilo along with another sibling. A bittersweet reunion of family and friends.
For the first time we brought along the kids to the wake just to meet their aunties, uncles and cousins who came home because of their father's death. It would have been greater if we were meeting now after years of living our own lives far from one another in a more happy circumstance. Sadness fills my heart. I know he is now with You, Boss. And that makes me thankful and grateful.
The past nights the closest of family and friends have gathered in the hours of evening consoling one another and at the same time celebrating the gifts that our dearest uncle has enjoyed in life. I have no right to say he is where he should be right now. Because joyous as the belief and faith maybe, it is still very very hard and sad for the family he has left behind to come face to face with the fact that their father and husband is no longer with them.
Death.
I experienced the feeling of inconsolable loss back when I was in high school. Nothing made sense one afternoon. A distant relative stood standing in the door talking to my teacher. A relative was called to be excused from class as there was a death in the family. Right there and then a feeling of pain struck my heart. I did not even know who in their family. But I felt their pain as those girls called out were very close friends of mine, in fact, distant relatives. I remember looking down at my desk, hearing the whispers going around the classroom. I remember seeing the feet of my teacher stopping by my desk. Nothing made sense when I looked up in time to hear her say,"You too Im afraid." Death. Someone in my family. Distant relatives. My relative. The next thing I knew I was standing at the foot of the bed of my dear cousin who took his last breath 3 hours ago. It was just me, Memem, Ana Marie, Monsignor Kianzon, my aunt, the wife, Gilbert and a farm help who happened to drop by that afternoon. My 30+ cousin was dead.
I remember Monsignor saying a mass right there and there. I remember Gilbert play his guitar. I remember the farm help crying out the songs. I remember me just standing there stoned, holding Macky's cold feet. I remember myself saying, "Why"...
It was more like, why do the good ones die young? Monsignor's answer was because they are ready. It doesn't matter how old or young they are. What mattered is that they are ready to face our Creator. They have been able to redeem themselves. Cleansed of sin. Ready to enter the gates of heaven. We cannot help but cry for them as we are just but human. After the sadness, we can be happy. Happy that they are no longer suffering. Happy that they have found peace. Happy that they are cleansed...ready. Ready to face our Lord. We celebrate in the faith that happiness, joy and peace will forever embrace them. We celebrate their glory.

And when I looked around this evening...that was what I realized. These friends and relatives who has cried this morning are here praying to help our dear uncle find his way to our Lord. No one is crying tonight. I could hear group of friends who talk about the goodness of our uncle. How he had inspired a lot of people. How good he was in his work. How cheerful he was in life. We have come together to celebrate how greatly he has lived his life.
I felt light. My heart bleeds of course. But at the same time I see light. With my dearest uncle smiling down upon us. He would have hated all the hoopla now. Hehehe, God bless his soul. But that's my uncle. Hehehe.
Give strength to the hearts who are mourning now.
Receive him. Bless him.
We will surely miss him.
But we smile upon our faith that he is safe and happy with YOU.
And tomorrow morning, we say our final goodbye.